I think you’re the one that’s either a virgin or asexual, since you’re so psychologically insecure about yourself that labeling normal people for your sad condition is the only only to ease the tension in yourself.

40-Year-Old Virgin For Congress

Many people think that “experience” is important for any candidate seeking elected office. I say that “experienced politicians” are to blame for wars, unemployment, deficits, a horrible education system, you name it. But I, like most people, would agree that life experience is essential to any candidate for any office, congress in particular. With that said, do we really want a congressman who has never gotten laid?

I mean, we have to assume that David Horn, Constitution Party candidate, has yet to experience any of a woman’s orifices. He’s never been married, and he’s an ardently devout Christian patriot (isn’t that a euphemism for “white supremacist?”). Perhaps the Horny bachelor has remained single because he isn’t interested in girls. After all, by reading the inflammatory denunciations of “homosexual marriage” in his platform, one cannot help but think he doth protest too much. Inflammatory? Flamer? Maybe.

But more likely, this poor bastard is asexual, and not by choice. Mr. Horn is cursed with a mug only Doug Spade or a mother could love. Actually, his mother probably tried to abort him, and he’s the unfortunate mess she ended up with. With this in mind, you can sort of empathize with his hatred of women and savage desire to suppress their right to choose.

Despite all of this, and a degree of charisma that not even Milton from Office Space would envy, Horn did well in this same race in 2004 as the only “pro-life” candidate. Of course, the bleeding-heart compassion he has for zygotes does not extend to those awaiting death at the hands of the state, despite Horn’s alleged distrust of the federal government. You would think that a tried-and-true Confederate (i.e. sympathizer with a terrorist insurrection that explicitly sought to destroy the United States) would be more wary of Uncle Sam, but Horn’s disapproval of state authority is selective.

That his skepticism exists at all would probably be a shock to the voters who supported Horn in 2004. I doubt these modern-day brown shirts are aware of Horn’s libertarian streak—he opposes the war in Iraq, he’s against the Patriot Act, and gasp he doesn’t have a “Bush/Cheney” bumper sticker next to the “God Created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” one on his Ford pickup truck, (or does this 40-year-old virgin still ride a bike, too?). Regardless of the fact that Horn dislikes the president because he thinks Bush hasn’t done enough to end the “holocaust” of abortion (what I like to call “the holocaust of ‘womb-parasites’”), Horn’s supporters—who are on average as dumb as he looks—would undoubtedly reserve for Horn the same kindness they would for a dying AIDS patient (or their least favorite NASCAR driver) if they knew he was anything less than fully obedient to their Fuehrer.

Like all politicians, Horn is, above all, a glory hound. His worst nightmare is not that a “radical liberal” like Joe Schwarz get elected to congress. No, his worst fear is that the Reverend Tim Walberg (even crazier and far more evil than Horn) win the Republican nomination, because this would render Horn completely irrelevant in the general election (just like high school). While Horn’s disgust for cooze and queers may rival the evil reverend’s, Walberg is obediently servile to the Bush agenda, and that pleases the NASCAR dads, meth moms, FAS-babies, and Amish families that constitute their shared right-wing base. Besides, Walberg has access to money, and I’m pretty sure Jesus said that he who is richest is surely most righteous. Or maybe it’s just that whoever has the most money always wins the election.

This gentleman may simply not have the resources to wage much of a campaign. I understand that all too well, but these issues are of paramount importance for the future of our nation.

if a candidate you were running against mirrored your views and beliefs- whats the point of campaigning in the first place?